Why do we run from the One we love the most?
Why do we fear and crave his presence?
Why the heck should he love *me?*
Why do I doubt when he is silent?
Why don't I trust him when all seems mediocre and random?
Why is it that only Jesus the Christ gives meaning to our lives?
The mundane bores me to tears. I'm ready to drop school, move to the mountains, and write my heart out. But even that wouldn't satisfy me, because I love the thrill of the chase. I want to see every continent, and as many countries as I can. I want to know it all, touch it, feel it, taste it, breathe it. I want to know people. I mean, really know them. People of all sorts from all walks of life.
Cuz no matter how annoyed I get, I love people. They are beautiful. They have histories and complexities and language and culture, virtues and vices and everything in between. I want to know, and to be known.
I do have a dream. It's a nice sized dream for a little writer-wannabe who isn't getting much writing done these days, but it's a good dream. Elyon knows my dreams, through and through. For now, he's said no, or wait--Sometimes I'm not sure.
He's so quiet, and I can't hear very well! Sometimes we both sit quietly, and I ache for his voice, you know? Sometimes I can't feel him beside me, and I quiver in fear. Sometimes I can't see him, and I say, "Jesus Christ, are you really there?"
God I love you
God I need you
I yearn for you; I worship you;
My God, I can't even breathe!
My faith is small; but you are great--
My heart is faint but you are strong--
My God, come rescue me,
Come quickly to my side and hold me tight.
Because I can't breathe without you-
I love you and I need you and I'm worthless without you-
O God, your Spirit makes me whole-
And you've sealed me with yourself.
Jesus, lover of my soul-
My Savior, never let me go;
Never to forsake me
When the shadows grow
And when the wolves fall on me
Still you make me whole.