The Mundane

Why do we run from the One we love the most?

Why do we fear and crave his presence?

Why the heck should he love *me?*

Why do I doubt when he is silent?

Why don't I trust him when all seems mediocre and random?

Why is it that only Jesus the Christ gives meaning to our lives?

The mundane bores me to tears. I'm ready to drop school, move to the mountains, and write my heart out. But even that wouldn't satisfy me, because I love the thrill of the chase. I want to see every continent, and as many countries as I can. I want to know it all, touch it, feel it, taste it, breathe it. I want to know people. I mean, really know them. People of all sorts from all walks of life.

Cuz no matter how annoyed I get, I love people. They are beautiful. They have histories and complexities and language and culture, virtues and vices and everything in between. I want to know, and to be known.

I do have a dream. It's a nice sized dream for a little writer-wannabe who isn't getting much writing done these days, but it's a good dream. Elyon knows my dreams, through and through. For now, he's said no, or wait--Sometimes I'm not sure.

He's so quiet, and I can't hear very well! Sometimes we both sit quietly, and I ache for his voice, you know? Sometimes I can't feel him beside me, and I quiver in fear. Sometimes I can't see him, and I say, "Jesus Christ, are you really there?"

God I love you

God I need you

I yearn for you; I worship you;

My God, I can't even breathe!

***

My faith is small; but you are great--

My heart is faint but you are strong--

My God, come rescue me,

Come quickly to my side and hold me tight.

***

Because I can't breathe without you-

I love you and I need you and I'm worthless without you-

O God, your Spirit makes me whole-

And you've sealed me with yourself.

***

Jesus, lover of my soul-

My Savior, never let me go;

Never to forsake me

When the shadows grow

***

And when the wolves fall on me

Still you make me whole.

*

~Love, Kucu

More shadowlands

People are weird. I mean it. It's amazing how the smallest things get us way, way off topic and how what starts out as good fun turns into...well, white-knuckled, hand-wringing frustration.

Well, I should tell you, my journey is not getting any easier. The mundane takes over, after awhile.

I tell you, there is so much I want to say and so few words to articulate it all.

I've been, in addition to again tackling Sun-Tzu's "The Art of War," making my way through a devotional called "Streams in the Desert" by L.B. Cowman. Furthermore, my Bible study group is working through J.I. Packer's "Knowing God," which is a great book.

Let's see....I bought the new Terry Blackstock book, "The Brothers Karamazov" by Dostoyevsky (I think I spelled that right....), and "The Manchurian Candidate" (book). Well, I found them. My Dadaw bought them. *smile*

I've gone through Ecclesiastes, the last fourth of Isaiah, and am currently tackling the book of John.

What else? Oh, I got in touch with that friend of mine who vanished. Micah, you should be getting mail. Sarah, I haven't written yours yet, but it's a work in progress. 0=) I got a xanga, but will still use this one primarily. The xanga was just to get a xanga. lol. I'm so random. Plus, it's the only way I can comment on other people's xangas. 0=) Robin's got one.

BTW!!! Say happy birthday to Robin; it's her birthday.

Erg. I'm sure there's more, but my train of thought derailed. 0=) I'll catch yall later, arright?