25 May 2008
So there you go.
Oh, and Andrew has a very cool series of podcasts up on Awake My Glory. They're about ten minutes apiece, and all seven are on The Kingdom of God. Enjoy.
Furthermore, my Mini-Me from up north has a blog update that's also worth reading here. Who knows, perhaps a counter-entry shall be required here. For the fun of such. Teehee.
Now to crawl back in my cave.
19 May 2008
to the soul who seeks him.
It is good that one should wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
It is good for a man that he bear
the yoke in his youth.
Let him sit alone in silence
when it is laid on him;
let him put his mouth in the dust—
there may yet be hope;
let him give his cheek to the one who strikes,
and let him be filled with insults.
Cease striving and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations;
I will be exalted in all the earth.
Rejoice not over me, O my enemy!
For though I have fallen, I will rise; though
I sit alone in darkness, the Lord will be my light.
I have finally completed listening to my friend Andrew's series on the Kingdom of Heaven. Honestly, he manages to say so much in so small a space it's really hard to say much beyond "Go listen to this."
The last two years God has...done things. If you've followed this blog at all, you may have seen it. I can't even really explain it. But it all started when I came home from Denton. When I asked him to be my teacher. When I said, "whatever that means."
Then came a series on discipleship by Beeson. Then Brandon's "Christ be formed in me." Then a conference I can barely give words to. Then a decision to read all four gospels at once. Then the stirring of affections. Then a new church. Then...
Dear God, what are you doing with me?
So much to learn. So much to unlearn. So much to relearn. O God, my God, you will never let me go!
I recently read Scarlet by Stephen Lawhead. Lawhead has this strange habit of creating a scene -- often quite small and simple -- that completely undoes me.
In the Song of Albion it's in The Endless Knot.
"High King! Will you not have your bard?"
I about cried.
In Scarlet it's even worse.
"I have you now, and I will not let you go."
I suppose that's the place you reach at some point. All your plans fail. All your attempts to yank yourself up by the bootstraps fail. The rules fail. The ritual fails. People fail. You fail yourself.
In the end, you're 24, you're almost (almost) accepting the freefall...But you can't quite muster the guts to let go of the fraying rope and latch on to the only one who can save you now.
I have a confession. I am mortified of the mundane. Mortified. The most frightening thing in the world to me is that I might live my whole life having done nothing for the Kingdom of God.
There. I said it. It's out, for all to see, to hear, to read.
I fear failing my Master.
And yet he keeps walking, and I keep plodding (slowly) after. Because, really, whom have I in heaven besides him, and by what other name shall I be called?
As Peter said, "Lord, where else would we go?"
I don't have a lot of faith. I can't really say I know how to pray. It isn't really anyone's fault but mine, I suppose.
All I know is for the last two years, since I asked him to teach me, he's said simply:
Cease striving. Why do you kick against the goads?
A question for which I have no answer.
And so, with Luther, I say, "I am yours. Save me."
And in answer, our Lord replies...
I have you now. And I will not let you go.
Addendum: The original contained the full excerpt. I couldn't, in good faith, include that sort of spoiler.